She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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