Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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