She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
