Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
