I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am one with the molecules
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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