she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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