I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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