I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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