Don't make out with my wife yet
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
