Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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