Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
