I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
