I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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