I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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