Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
