We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
is it fun? or sober?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
