her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she peed on how many people?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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