Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im six kinds of drunk right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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