me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
