I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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