Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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