I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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