I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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