i just had sex bonerless
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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