I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
