Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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