you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No subtext here. People are naked.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
