In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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