I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
