mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
