how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its liver damage thursday
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
