first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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