the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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