Your dad touched me again.
Just cropdusted the office
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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