and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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