We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
