um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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