I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
