he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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