Jerry, you need to find god
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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