Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize