You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
