elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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