People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
