no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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