Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
