How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
