Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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