I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
