im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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