Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
