and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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