How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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