i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
