Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
