What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
