I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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