I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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