Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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