my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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