Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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