she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
