I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He shit in the fireplace
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
