Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
