There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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